You can’t stifle romantic feelings.

Q: I am a 29-year-old gay man who has only been sober for five years. I had to work hard on my recovery to accept and love myself after my narcissistic evangelical parents dragged me into conversion therapy as a teenager. I met a guy in AA in May who was nine months sober at the time. His sobriety coincided with his departure. He is 27 years old and still unpacking a lot. He broke up with a girlfriend a few months before we met and I’m the first guy he’s dated. I was hesitant to get involved with him at first, given these parameters, but I did anyway. The first two months were great. We had great chemistry and great sex, went on dates, etc. A month ago he told me, “I don’t want to be in a relationship while I’m exploring my sexuality.” My initial reaction was to take a step back and assume this was the end. However, nothing changed. He continued to initiate affection and he even threw me a birthday party at his house with decorations he bought. A week later, he tells me, “I’ve lost the romantic spark, but I still want to hang out, have sex, and date.” Mainly I am puzzled by the lack of alignment between his words and actions. Should I accept this relationship for whatever it is and go out with other people? The sex is great, but I feel very romantically involved, four months later, and I’m not sure it’s wise to get more involved. —Behaves like a boyfriend but excludes the romantic seal

A: Telling someone to break up romantically is easy, BLABBERS. In reality, breaking up romantically is difficult.

I’ve heard from so many people over the years who struggled to stifle the romantic feelings of lovers who wronged them. People pining for exes who fucked their best friends, emptied their checking accounts, and refused to respond to their text messages. So while I might tell you to lower your romantic expectations while you continue to fuck this guy, chances are you can keep your romantic feelings in check, let alone stifle them, while he throws birthday parties for you and sucks your dick. they are close to zero. If you keep seeing this guy, the emotional hits (“I don’t want a relationship,” “I don’t feel any spark”) will keep coming.

So what’s up with this guy? If he acts like a boyfriend and fucks like a boyfriend, why doesn’t he want to be a boyfriend?

Leave a Comment