DEAR ABBY: I started dating a guy two months ago. It goes very well. I think we’re both on the same page about how involved we are in the relationship.
My brother and sister-in-law are having an informal wedding reception next month here in my town, because they originally had an impromptu wedding. It’s supposed to be very casual.
This guy met my sister-in-law, and right in front of him he mentioned that I can bring a guest. I laughed a bit at that point. It’s not that I don’t want him there, I’m just wondering if it’s too early to invite him to an event where my whole family will be and if it seems like I’m rushing the relationship.
Should I tell her that she can come or is it too soon?
— UNCERTAIN IN THE WEST
DEAR UNCERTAIN: Since this person knows about the party, why not ask if they would be “interested” in going? I hardly think telling someone they are welcome would be so insistent.
DEAR ABBY: My husband’s job brings him a lot of unhappiness, but he doesn’t want to quit.
He has been a high school Spanish teacher for 13 years. It is the only race he has known. There have always been ups and downs for him, but the problem in recent years seems to be that most of the kids in his school, and the school environment in general, have become increasingly apathetic, dysfunctional, and rude.
He hesitates because he knows that if he left, he would lose interaction with the few children who make his days at work worthwhile, plus he would be giving up his pension. She is afraid that another job, if there is one he is qualified for, will only make him unhappy in a different way.
He comes home seriously downtrodden more days than he does feeling good, let alone happy, and I feel so powerless. That I have to do?
— PROFESSOR’S WIFE IN NEW YORK
DEAR WIFE: Remind your husband how important the work he is doing is, and that his efforts are appreciated by at least some of the students he is trying to teach. She is performing a service that will help those children who pay attention for the rest of their lives. I speak from experience.
When I was in high school, like many teenagers who had not been exposed to international travel, I thought that everyone spoke English. My heroic Spanish teacher, Mr. Rubén Beltrán, somehow managed to force a rudimentary knowledge of Spanish grammar and vocabulary onto my shrunken head. I have used what he taught me so many times, because Spanish has become more and more prevalent in the southwestern part of the US, where I live.
In years to come, students who make the effort will remember her husband with respect and gratitude. Please tell him I said it and not to take the dysfunction personally. In recent years, I have often thought that group therapy should be offered in the staff room.
PS: If you continue to feel unhappy, you might benefit from talking to your financial advisor and possibly a career counselor about your options. You should also keep an eye out for other jobs while you are still employed at school.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, aka Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.