NPR Presents Thanksgiving Meal Substitutes That Are Hilariously Inflationary

Do you remember “busy?” It was a concept introduced in 2009 during the Obama administration to make people feel better about rampant unemployment by making it seem like something fun.

Well, fast forward to the inflationary era of 2022 during the Biden administration and National Public Radio. Not the “Whiplash Inflation Now” (WIN) of the 1970s, but a more optimistic version that calls inflation a creative challenge or Winflation. And as part of the Winflation challenge, NPR offered creative ideas for beating inflation during Thanksgiving dinner.

Picture the scene: Thanksgiving guests are seated around the dinner table, looking forward to a traditional dinner when the host reaches into the oven… and pulls out a plate of bacon. Imagine the depression of the guests when they realized that this was no joke and that they would not be eating turkey. Nothing can spoil the mood more, but if the host offers to make up for it…sliced ​​tomatoes.

I kid you not, that’s what NPR recommended Tuesday on “Inflation Won’t Win Thanksgiving: NPR’s Plan to Help You Save on Food.”

Turkey is the most expensive thing on the table. Prices in Turkey have increased by about 50% in the last two years, mainly due to a slowdown in production and the spread of bird flu. On average, a 16-pound bird will set you back $28.96, and a stuffing (prices are about 70% higher) will set you back $3.88.

NPR Global Economy Correspondent Stacey Vanek Smith decided to stick to meat for her main course, even though it wasn’t easy (many vegetarian options are cheaper). Meat prices have risen significantly around the world: Beef, chicken, fish, and even Spam are all expensive. So Stacey chose the bacon. Especially: pork.

Stacey’s local grocery store was selling family packs for just $4 each. And, of course, a little bacon goes a long way.

Instead of stuffing, Stacey sliced ​​up some tomatoes—a relative bargain she hopes can be used with the leftovers to create a new holiday tradition: the Thanksgiving BLT.

You have to think about gastronomic sensibilities when NPR recommends replacing mashed potatoes with… mashed beans in the name of fighting inflation.

The price of Russet potatoes has increased by more than 20%, and the price of milk needed for whipping potatoes has increased by 16%.

Energy and Transport Reporter Camila Domonoske’s solution: Mashed lima beans, also known as butter beans. One pound of russet makes two servings of mashed potatoes, while one pound of lima beans makes 13 servings of mashed beans.

Finally, the NPR Thanksgiving dinner makeover game includes an item most of us have avoided since we were babies: baby food.

Finding a butter substitute was the biggest challenge. Margarine prices have increased by more than 40%. The prices of jelly, jam and peanut butter have skyrocketed. So Alina went on a hunt at the grocery store and found…baby food.

Baby food prices have risen more slowly than butter or margarine.

Nowhere in this bleak chart is there any mention that inflation can be attributed to massive domestic spending by the Biden administration or the Democrats.

The irony is that NPR types like to present themselves to the public as urbane sophisticates, but they seem too clueless to realize that serving such dishes for Thanksgiving will instantly make them pariahs among all the dinner guests. Again, at Thanksgiving dinners, they will probably never be invited to one by those present as punishment for serving the recommended disaster of the dinner.

Oh, and did NPR estimate the cost of replacing plates and glasses broken by obnoxious Thanksgiving guests?