Is it in bad taste for her to steal the spotlight from the bride?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother’s 90th birthday is close to her granddaughter’s wedding. She insists that she doesn’t want a party, but that she would like “someone” to recognize her 90th birthday at her wedding.

My brothers and I are stumped on how to handle this request. Personally, I think it’s pretty vulgar for her to take something from my niece’s wedding day, but she insists.

The wedding will take place at a country club with about 125 people. There will be a DJ, so would it be appropriate for me to make the announcement and play a short “Happy Birthday” song?

KIND READER: How exactly does this take anything away from your niece? Could it be that for three minutes she will not be the center of attention?

Miss Manners generally doesn’t approve of making suggestions about how others can honor themselves. But in this case, the lady seems to be asking to forego an important party in favor of a brief appreciation when the family is together anyway.

If the bride can’t bear to relinquish the limelight, even for a few minutes, to her own 90-year-old grandmother, perhaps someone should warn the groom.

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