10 Things Americans Are Grateful For On Thanksgiving Day

UNITED STATES - 1900: Two turkeys drive off on Sunday, hardly!  Chances are these guys know what's coming and are leaving town in their classic cars.  The person sending the vintage postcard is the person conveying their Thanksgiving wishes because the turkey probably won't enjoy the holiday all that much.  (Photo by Buyenlarge/Getty Images)

Postcard of two turkeys leaving town, circa 1900.

Photo: Getty Images

Last year, I wrote an article listing 10 things Americans should be thankful for on Thanksgiving. These include food, antibiotics, sunlight, and ticks living on your face. To encourage everyone to use the app, I didn’t mention that these mites come out of your pores and have sex (on your face) at night.

I know you want to believe this tick of information is “fake news” from the MSM and the Deep State. This seems to be what we’re saying to discourage the public and soften you up for the Great Reset. But I’m afraid it’s very real; Watch the episode starting at 2:15 here:

Anyway, it sounds like being grateful is good for you. It improves your sleep and strengthens your immune system and can even reduce chronic pain. So let’s take a look at 10 more things we can all be thankful for this Thanksgiving, none of which involve the numerous eight-legged sex mites living on your face right this second.

Elon Musk

God bless this ignorant man. No one in history has demonstrated more clearly that the ultra-rich who rule the world have no idea what they are doing. Generally, they are smart enough to hide behind a phalanx of money and weapons. But when Musk bought Twitter, he came out and said, “Here we go, into the future!” he was ready to shout. then he tripped on his shoelace and fell down 900 steps.

Of course, there is a downside. The eminent linguist Edward Sapir wrote in his book published in 1921:

Everything we have seen so far about language shows that it is the most important and colossal creation that the human spirit has evolved. … Language is the most massive and comprehensive art we know, the mountainous and anonymous work of unconscious generations.

This is true of language and, on a smaller scale, of Twitter. Twitter is a giant work of art created by hundreds of millions of people working together for free, with no specific goals in mind. They all had a need to share their various thoughts with the universe.

So if Musk destroys Twitter, it will be as terrible as Julius Caesar burning down the Library of Alexandria. Moreover, like Caesar, Musk will commit his mass destruction by accident rather than on purpose. On the other hand, at least Musk, unlike Caesar, does it in a way that allows him to be pointed and mocked on his platform.

Elections in action

Belief in the legitimacy of elections allows people to live with each other without incessant massacres. In 2020, Donald Trump decided that was less important than getting his feelings hurt. It has never been revealed who he claims rigged the election. Diebold? Hugo Chavez? Dark elves? But he convinced nearly 70 percent of Republicans that Joe Biden was not actually elected president.

This is extremely bad news. The US electoral system is a sham signed by the 39 delegates to the Constitutional Convention in 1787, driven by an understandable desperation to leave Philadelphia. It’s a goofy, Rube Goldberg-esque machine stuffed with metaphorical dynamite, and thanks to minimal confidence on all sides, it’s failed to explode at all. But in 2022, many Republicans ran for office and promised to set off this dynamite if they won. In 2024, the stage is set for a major disaster.

The good news is that almost all of the Republican candidates lost. In 2024, we still face dangerous challenges. But now we have some breathing room to think about the various ways the voting system is actually rigged against the majority of Americans, not in Trump’s imagination, but in reality.

To think

At the funeral service for my wonderful uncle nine years ago, the pastor explained that when he first met each church member, he asked them what they liked to do most. My uncle said that his favorite life activity was “thinking”.

Man, I felt it. I hope someone says that about me at my funeral. (And I hope everyone who talks is funny, if not funnier than me.)

The point here is that reality is so strange and multifaceted that thinking about it will keep you busy and happy for 100 years. For example, when a woman is born, her ovaries contain every egg she will ever have. This means that half of the genetic material that makes up you was once there in your maternal grandmother’s body. Surprise! Wow! Also, yikes. I really miss my uncle and I wish I could sit with him and think about reality.

PRESENTED - CIRCA 1800: Thanksgiving Menu.  Cunard West Indies Cruise, 1930. RMS Franconia.  Thanksgiving Day, November 27, 1930. (Photo by Universal History Archive/Getty Images)

A completely unopened illustration from Thanksgiving in 1930. Tag yourself.

Photo: Universal History Archive/Getty Images

Buddhism

American life in 2022 shows that Buddhists are on to something with the concept of a “hungry ghost.” Hungry spirits are the remains of dead people who are tormented by insatiable desires that they cannot satisfy.

Canadian writer John Ralston Saul made an interesting argument that Christianity, Islam, capitalism, communism, and Nazism “flourish by cultivating desire. … Of the great world myths, only Buddhism focuses on the reduction of desires in the individual. That is right? I don’t know, but if that’s the case, Buddhism might be the only way for Homo sapiens sapiens to survive. On the other hand, widespread Buddhism would cause the entire world economy to collapse, so it’s a mixed bag.

“Andor”

One of my favorite things about Twitter is its thriving community surrounding the 2007 film Michael Clayton:

If you’ve seen “Michael Clayton,” you already know that. If you haven’t, please let me know so I can come over to your house to watch with you, pausing every 30 seconds to show you my favorite parts.

“Michael Clayton” is written and directed by Tony Gilroy. Now, he’s taken his immense talent and used it to create Andor, the Disney+ prequel to Rogue One. It is difficult to understand how this was allowed. It should have read an honest line: “What if all the classic Star Wars movies were childish fantasies masking excruciating tragedy? Moreover, it cost hundreds of millions of dollars.”

Supervisors

I get annoyed when I think no one cares about the controllers. It’s important work that involves watching how governments spend money, but no one but me appreciates them. In fact, I have a secret fantasy life where I serve as a New York state comptroller. I am ready to explain it to you in detail after I finish watching “Michael Clayton”.

Radish powder

Cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage, Brussels sprouts, cucumber greens, bok choy – amazingly enough, these cruciferous vegetables are all cultivated descendants of the same plant, Brassica oleracea. And they all contain two precursors that convert to sulforaphane when the plants are eaten raw. Sulforaphane, if you’re an uninitiated barbarian, seems like one of the healthiest things you can drink. It can have anti-cancer, anti-inflammatory, anti-diabetic properties.

The problem here is that cooking destroys one of the precursors to sulforaphane. So if you’re eating delicious steamed broccoli, you’re getting less sulforaphane than if you tried to eat raw broccoli, which is obviously horrible and unfit for human consumption.

But radish powder contains a sensitive precursor and is tasteless. All you have to do is drizzle some of the garlic sauce over the broccoli and it’s just as good as eating it raw.

Menippean satire

I’m not going to explain it. Iykyk.

Taylor Swift

Assuming most people have eaten too much turkey and gone to sleep before we get to this part of this article, let me admit here that I love Taylor Swift. I think he shows consistent artistry in songwriting, huh? I see the face of judgment you have prepared and I reject it. You drew stars around my scars, but now I’m bleeding!

Death

It’s a tough job, but let’s give it a shot.

Are there aspects of death that we can be thankful for? Hamlet’s theory is that existence is an intolerable nightmare and therefore death is a “faithfully desired completion.” Honestly, it’s amazing that this is taught in 11th grade English.

Many other writers have taken this bleak perspective. One of the most eloquent is the English poet Matthew Arnold, who famously wrote that in this world there is “no joy, no love, no light, / No certainty, no peace, no relief for pain; / And here we are like a dark plain.” The obvious conclusion is that death is the only way out.

John Adams’s vision was only slightly less grim. When Adams and Thomas Jefferson were old, they exchanged letters speculating about the purpose of grief. Adams wrote to Jefferson: “For example, where can you and I look without seeing the graves of people we know? … this may indeed be one of the salutary effects of grief; for it prepares us to lose ourselves without disgust.” America loves to talk about the Founding Fathers, but this quote somehow only appears in four places online.

But I don’t live life like that, and I hope you don’t either. One of the most helpful perspectives I’ve found on this topic appears in Life and Surviving, a book co-authored by John Cleese and his former therapist. Therapist Robin Skynner explains that accepting death is the only way we can truly live. “Those who fear death,” says Skynner, “are afraid to live fully; they are already half-dead by their choices.” But if you accept the fact of death, you can experience what Skynner describes as the mystery of the universe: “Everything is exactly as it is, only more.”

This seems like a fruitful thing to bring up at Thanksgiving with the right family. With the wrong type of family, this can lead to great stress and possibly bloodshed. Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving and please visit me if you have a second On Elon Musk’s Twitter page and let me know if there’s anything important you think I’ve left off this list.